As good as my Sheets of Idiocy looked after the Round of 64 is as bad and desolate the sheets looked by the end of the weekend. In true March Madness fashion, my random bracket picks were laid to waste in the Round of 32. We’ve all been there. You get pumped up after the first set of games. You get to strut around and yell, “I TOLD you Dayton was underrated!” at random people. Not that I did that at the supermarket to that sweet old lady who was picking out a head of lettuce. The point is I could have! Good thing I didn’t, considering how the Round of 32 went.
So the Round of 64 made my “random” picks look a little shady, as if some college basketball guru were yanking your leg. Trust me, this is not the case. I went to a Division III school, and have yet to win the grand prize of a bracket pool. Still more proof can be found in how awful things went with the next round.
Some games in the Round of 32 turned out as expected. Xavier ended Georgia State’s Cinderella dreams before they really got going. Unfortunately my random selections had Baylor progressing to the Elite Eight, so Georgia State really did send a shock through this entire arm of the bracket.
UNC continues to creep through the rounds, but they had to go up against Arkansas, whereas my random selection had them playing Wofford. Not that I knew anything about Wofford before this tournament, not even where the school is located (note: it’s South Carolina). But the Sheets of Idiocy called for Wofford, and it was not to be so.
Remember my golden pick of UAB? Yeah, that ended pretty early in this round with another underdog: UCLA. Unfortunately, my underdog was supposed to make it to the Elite Eight before being ousted by St. John’s, a team which stayed in the tournament as late as it did only because the Red Storm had a late game.
Oh, and Kentucky won again. Just like the oracle spoke of. And by oracle I mean me, the vessel of the basketball gods, as I picked this bracket randomly. I know this wasn’t much of a stretch but, considering how rare it is that I get one team into the championship game, it’s a faith-driven random selection.
Then everything fell apart. Villanova was oust by North Carolina State, which should have been a lucky, good selection. Nope, not so lucky. Neither was my random Cinderella selection of #11 Dayton over #3 Oklahoma. My entire West and South legs are pretty much gone as far as pools go, but we will carry on. If only to feel better about our own brackets as the Sheets of Idiocy go down in a ball of gas-soaked flames.
My one shining moment was having #7 Michigan State over whatever team they are playing until the championship. Okay, so I had #15 Belmont taking on Michigan State instead of #2 Virginia, but randomly picking brackets based on nothing but where a pin goes isn’t an exact science.
Stay tuned after each round, as I will be updating my scoring, for better or for worse.
Patrick Emmel is a sports humorist who once punted a soccer ball fifty yards to his teammate, who then scored the only goal for his college intramural soccer team’s season. Seriously, that kick was placed PERFECTLY. He is also still a believer that Colt McCoy is going to break out as an NFL quarterback. You can read more of his obnoxious commentary at This Jeer In Sports and heckle him on Twitter @Patrick_AE.