<a href="/tag/brian-cullen/">By Brian Cullen

So here I am, covered in candy corn, glitter and regret. What’s that? Because of Halloween, you ask? Yes… yes, that will do for an excuse. Anyway. Halloween strikes a chord with us here at Tailgate Fan. It essentially suggests that people in costumes make everything better. But, can this work on tailgates?

In other words, we already know for a fact that tailgates are pretty sweet. But can mascots make them even better? Put another way — if given the choice, which mascot would you drink with? We’ve crunched the numbers and put together our 10 favorites from across every sport. Check it out!

10. The Phoenix Suns Gorilla

I can’t believe I have to justify having the Phoenix Suns gorilla on this list. You’re telling me that if someone offered you the chance to drink with a gigantic gorilla that’s a member of the Mascot Hall of Fame, who can also slam dunk, that you’d say no? He’s like a meeting point between all the best characteristics of Donkey Kong and Spiderman.

9. Philly Phanatic

Because every good tailgate needs someone who represents “chaotic good.” Based on your point of view, the Phanantic is either the funniest guy at the tailgate, or the guy with whom you’d rather engage in fisticuffs. And no matter what you think of him — wouldn’t that make a tailgate even better?

Check out the Top 10 Tailgating Costumes.

JACKSONVILLE, FL - OCTOBER 27:  UGA IX, the mascot of the Georgia Bulldogs walks on the field during the game between the Florida Gators and the Georgia Bulldogs at EverBank Field on October 27, 2012 in Jacksonville, Florida.

Photo Credit: Sam Greenwood/Getty Images

8. Uga

UGA is the name of a cute little bulldog who reps the University of Georgia. I don’t know any particular characteristics about him, other than the fact that he’s a bulldog who wears a shirt. I refuse to believe that a clothed bulldog would do anything but make your tailgate better. Maybe I’d scratch the scruff of his neck and tell him he’s a good boy. Maybe he’d lick my face and take a little nap next to me.

…brb, gonna go put a shirt on my dog.

7. The Boilermaker Special

Technically speaking, the mascot of Purdue University is a train, which is a weird thing to request at a tailgate. But consider — with a name like “Boilermaker,” these folks probably know a thing or two about drinking. Specifically boilermakers, which are whiskey and beer. And if that sounds gross, clearly you’ve never gone to college in Indiana. Some winter nights, a whiskey-beer is the best part of your year.

Check out the Top 10 Ways to Avoid a Hangover.

ATLANTA - NOVEMBER 1:  Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets cheerleaders ride onto the field on the Ramblin Wreck car before the game against the Florida State Seminoles at Bobby Dodd Stadium at Historic Grant Field on November 1, 2008 in Atlanta, Georgia.  Georgia Tech beat Florida State 31-28.

Photo Credit: Mike Zarrilli/Getty Images

6. The Ramblin’ Wreck of Georgia Tech

Now, to be clear, Georgia Tech tech-nically (a heh. heh) has two mascots: one is some kind of angry bee-looking thing. The other? A 1930 Ford Model A Coupe. You know. A car. So why would we co-opt a vehicle for our tailgate?

Easy. We’ve gotta transport the beer and brats to the parking lot somehow. It’s a tailgate, remember?

5. Ragnar the Viking

Representing one of the only two human mascots in pro sports, Ragnar the Viking is a big, bearded, sleeveless nordic warrior who reps the Minnesota Vikings. First of all, drinking with a viking sounds pretty radical. If there’s one thing those people do well, it’s invading England. If there’s two things, it’s invading England and having bitchin’ funerals. If there’s three things — well, that last thing is “drinking.”

Anyway, I’d drink mead with Ragnar the Viking any day of the week.

MILWAUKEE, WI - JUNE 22: Bernie Brewer stands high in Bernie's Dugout during the game between the Milwaukee Brewers and the Atlanta Braves during the game at Miller Park on June 22, 2013 in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Photo Credit: Mike McGinnis/Getty Images

4. Bernie Brewer

*Grabs megaphone* THE MAN IS NAMED AFTER A BREWER AND HE USED TO CELEBRATE HOME RUNS BY SLIDING INTO A VAT OF BEER. Bernie Brewer could make even a lame tailgate turn into a party of epic proportions. Don’t agree with me? How many calm, measured people do you know who have jumped headfirst into beer over a minor victory?

Check out the Top 10 Tailgating Nicknames.

3. The Leprechaun

Quick, what nationality do you think of when you think of drinking too much? The Irish, right? There’s a whole Americanized holiday derived around that entire concept. So it stands to reason, then, that a Leprechaun would make for a big-drinkin’ addition to your football tailgate. Now, as an alum of Notre Dame, I must disclaim that I’ve never seen the Leprechaun drunk, nor did I know who he is or was. However, that said, expecting a Leprechaun not to save your tailgate is basically to stop believing in drinking magic. And I refuse to give up on drinking magic, drinking or magic.

GLENDALE, AZ - JANUARY 02:  The Stanford Cardinal mascot tree performs against the Oklahoma State Cowboys during the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl on January 2, 2012 at University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale, Arizona.

Photo Credit: Christian Petersen/Getty Images

2. The Stanford Tree

I refuse to believe that heavy alcohol consumption had nothing to do with the creation of this monstrosity. He’s like a mix between Mr. Potato Head, Frankenstein and my AA sponsor. And looking like he does, I bet he’d be awesome at partying.

1. Keggy

If you’re a fan of this article, you knew this was coming. Keggy is my mascot hero. He could make a tailgate at a chess tournament more exciting. The look on his face, the bulging eyes — how do you not trust your tailgating fate to this superhero of the parking lot?

Words won’t do justice here. Just take a look at all of Keggy’s glory here.

So there’s our top 10. Any other candidates we missed? As always, tell us in the comments section.

Check out more Tailgating Top 10s.

Stop in at the Man Cave Daily, where the women are hot and the beer is cold.

Brian Cullen makes with the funny on Man Cave Daily and Tailgate Fan. You can also follow his regular nonsense on Twitter @bucketcullen.


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