NEW YORK, NY - JULY 04: Competitive eater Takeru Kobayashi challeges 2011 Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Competition Contestants via satellite at 230 Fifth Avenue on July 4, 2011 in New York City.Photo Credit: Cindy Ord/Getty Images
In a sense, any eating challenge can be considered torture. Remember the movie Seven? The part where the bad guy forces the fat dude to eat until he literally explodes? Yeah, pretty much any Nathan’s competition could theoretically become that at any point.
Obviously, this does not happen, unless the people filming these thing are really good at editing. But there are some challenges and records that, gruesome chest bursting or not, could legally be classified as torture by several major governments, and nobody would bat an eye.
For the uninitiated, a ghost pepper is one of the hottest peppers on the planet, with a Scoville rating of roughly a million units. For comparison, that bottle of Tabasco sauce that sent you screaming into the pool to down every last drop of sweet, sweet, chlorinated H2O? That’s a mere 5,000 units at its strongest. The typical ghost pepper about 200 times hotter. It’s pretty much pure evil in pepper form.
But to hear this one woman say it, ghost peppers are no hotter than a cup of coffee that’s been left on the table for 45 minutes. Anandita Dutta Tamuly of India set a Guinness world record by downing 51 of the damn things in two minutes. Meanwhile, Chef Gordon Ramsey, he of screaming-at-everybody fame, couldn’t take more than one bite before tapping out. More than likely, any of us wouldn’t even get that far, weeping for our mommies after coming within 100 feet of one and getting a strong whiff.
She claims that she can do this because she’s been eating them all her life, thereby developing an immunity to these edible nuclear bombs. She can even rub them in her eyes, simply to make us feel even less secure in our own humanity. If a ghost pepper came within 50 feet of any of our eyeballs, we would go blind. It would be safer to stare at the sun.
Ever eaten a raw egg? Chances are that if you did, and are not a hardcore bodybuilder, you puked it up almost immediately. Now imagine eating 50 raw eggs. At the same time. In less than three minutes. Sounds like a horrible frat boy hazing, right? For most of us, it absolutely would be. For one man, however, it was simply another challenge to be met and conquered.
A guy named LA Beast (we’re guessing that was not his mother’s idea) does a series of ridiculous eating challenges; perhaps his most disgusting endeavor was taking 50 eggs, and cracking them all into “the world’s biggest beer glass.” He wasn’t lying; the thing was at least two feet tall. And he downed it all in two and a half minutes, and lived to gesture all manly-like about it afterwards.
Now, there’s a half-decent chance he walked off-camera and immediately blew gnarly chunks all over the place, and he did look like he was in great pain at various points during the challenge. At the same time, we don’t know the fate of those eggs for sure, so we have to assume he kept them down. Whether he did or he didn’t though, the basic don’t-try-this-anywhere-ever message still exists. Eating 50 scrambled eggs would be akin to cruel and unusual punishment, especially if they were cold. Raw? We’ll pass, and so should you.
Photo Credit: Thinkstock
2. Two Guys Eat One of Everything on Taco Bell’s Menu, Vomit after 25 Minutes
Occasionally, you’ll see one of those self-imposed eating challenges, where a guy will buy just a crapload of food and then attempt to eat it all. In this case, we have two guys, Damon and Naader, who ordered one of everything off the Taco Bell menu, and walked away with 19 POUNDS OF GRUB. In hindsight, they should have asked for just one item made out of meat, beans and cheese, and then gotten one of everything else. It would have reduced their workload by at least 18-and-a-half pounds.
And yes, the plan was to eat all of it; the duo IS called Wreckless Eating, after all. Now, much like any other food challenge, they would lose if one of them puked. Sadly, that’s exactly what happened here; after 25 minutes, and with much of the food gone, one of these guys retched a bunch of fake Mexican cuisine straight into a nearby bucket. Just like that, challenge failed. Still, the fact that they got as far as they did was quite impressive, especially considering it’s Taco Bell. It’s not like they were eating 20 pounds of Kobe steak; it was just endless greasy fast food, as far as the eye could see.
And unless your goal in life actually is to end up like the guy in Seven, your best bet is to stay away from this challenge, or any other eat-an-entire-restaurant challenge that comes to mind. The only one who will benefit is whoever runs the restaurant. They’ll appreciate those couple hundred bucks you so generously provided them.
1. Kobayashi Drinks a Gallon of Milk in 20 Seconds
Takeru Kobayashi is that Kobayashi: the skinny Japanese hotdog eater who only stopped winning Nathan’s Hotdog contests because he stopped competing in them. As it turns out, he doesn’t just consume hotdogs at a stupid pace, he consumes pretty much EVERYTHING at a stupid pace. And that includes milk. In this clip from a couple months ago, Kobayashi takes a gallon of milk, and downs it in 20 seconds, simply to say he could.
Then, just to brag a wee more, he also claimed that he had just eaten 13 cupcakes in a minute, and needed something to wash them down. Shockingly, he didn’t do so by finding a lactating cow and sucking her dry in under a minute.
Heed our warning; just because Kobayashi can do this, doesn’t mean you should. In fact, for most of us, drinking a gallon of milk is impossible at best, and a death wish at worst. The traditional Gallon Challenge gives contestants up to an hour to finish the milk, and even then many can’t do it. The average stomach only holds half a gallon of stuff, and milk being a thick liquid does not help matters. Most people who attempt this either fail outright, puke up just the worst-smelling vomit imaginable or succeed but then refuse to move for the next week and a half.
The key words here are “average,” “most people” and “traditional.” Kobayashi is none of those things. In fact, he might be an X-Man. You, however, are not an X-Man, unless you dress up as one for Halloween. Even then, you’re probably better off drinking your milk one glass at a time, and leaving this challenge alone.