By Brian Cullen

Welcome back team.

If you’re just joining us, we spent the last few days learning lessons from New England and Denver on how to tailgate for the playoffs. However, we’ve been paying a little too much attention to the AFC. Let’s check out what the NFC has to offer.

Now, we weren’t able to get our hands on exclusive Niners footage, but that’s ok. Even if we have to scout some tape from their crosstown inter-divisional rival, Oakland Raiders, there are still plenty of lessons to learn about Jim Harbaugh’s team of overachievers.

DO: Know thyself.

It’s important to establish a strong identity as a team. If you’re a classic, old school, pound-it-out team, then represent yourself like so:

Photo Credit: CBS Local

Photo Credit: CBS Local

and not like so:

Photo Credit: CBS Local

Photo Credit: CBS Local

To be honest, my suspicion is that dressing yourself up like a big gothic jerk is just an excuse to distract from the fact that your best quarterback in the past 10 years was a grey-haired, nearly 40-year-old Rich Gannon. Niners fans get flak for casually approaching the game with wine and cheese, but you know what? 1) cheese is incredible. I dare you to tell me a scenario where you preferred to have less cheese. Here, I’ll up the difficulty level: imagine a tailgate where you were like “no, I’m good. I’ve had enough cheese.” Doesn’t exist. 2) wine ain’t bad either, when you get right down to it. And 3) when you’ve won 24 of your last 32 games, you can do whatever you want.

DON’T: Dress like this.

Photo Credit: CBS Local

Photo Credit: CBS Local

It’s ridiculous. How are you supposed to drink through that thing?

DO: Represent your team in the right way.

Now, the last couple of entries weren’t meant to suggest that you can’t go all out supporting your team. Consider these fellers:

Photo Credit: CBS Local

Photo Credit: CBS Local

Not only do you have a pretty confident photobomber, but the costumes these guys are wearing, left-of-center as they are, still aren’t over the top. Either one of these guys could argue their way into work, especially during a playoff year.

DON’T: Be a Raiders fan.

That’s nasty of me, I know. But if you want to really enjoy playoff tailgating, it’s really in your best interest to not root for the Raiders. These days, if you live in the Bay area — let’s be honest — nobody will blame you. The 49ers will be hot so long as Harbaugh’s got the reins, especially now that he took care of that Alex Smith problem in house. Plus, red is so much more festive than black.

So there you have it, team: ironclad lessons for how to maximize your tailgating potential during the playoffs. Now, the important thing to learn here is, no matter when (or if) your team gets knocked out of the playoffs, the season is ending in a few weeks. In other words: the clock’s ticking. The shelf life of every team’s 2012 season is about to expire — even the champion’s.

So live every tailgate like it’s your last. Drink hearty, eat well, and cheer louder than everyone else. Good luck to your team.

Read more about the tailgating fan.

Stop in at the Man Cave Daily, where the women are hot and the beer is cold.

Brian Cullen secretly kind of likes the 49ers because of Joe Montana. Follow him on Twitter @bucketcullen.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s