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Tailgating For The Playoffs – Part 2, Denver Broncos

By Brian Cullen
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Photo Credit: Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

Photo Credit: Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

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Ok team, huddle up. If you got here late, I’m gonna need 20 pushups from you. After that, check out yesterday’s study on how to tailgate for the playoffs, New England style. Today, we’re swinging by Mile High to see what the AFC’s #1 can teach us about tailgating for the playoffs.

Famous for passionate fans, some of the country’s best craft beer, and Peyton Manning’s weird red forehead patch, Broncos fans know how to put on a kickass tailgate. So what can we learn from them, ladies and gentlemen, to prepare us for our last few tailgates of the season? Let’s go to the tape.

DO: Put cheese on anything you can find. The meltier the better. Just look at this picture. I assume that’s mac and cheese. But for all I know, those could be scallops or sponges or factory-rejected Ritz crackers. Doesn’t matter. It’s cheese. It’s awesome. Make your tailgate one for the ages with as much of this stuff as possible.

Photo Credit: CBS Local

Photo Credit: CBS Local

DON’T: Bring vuvuzelas. Oh, that’s right. I saw you on screen at 00:54, vuvuzela man. Now there might be some purists telling me that’s not a vuvuzela. I don’t care. Anyone that brings this kind of action deserves nothing but scorn and derision. You’ll notice I didn’t put up a screengrab of the guy. That’s because he deserves no glory, fame or acclaim for his actions. Fie on you, vuvuzela man.

DO: Represent your team colors. Sure, this orange is bracing to the eye, but if you’re going to show your team dedication, you’ve gotta stand out. I don’t care who you’re rooting for: you, your vehicle and everyone and everything involved in your tailgate has gotta represent.

Photo Credit: CBS Local

Photo Credit: CBS Local

DON’T: Let pride ruin an otherwise awesome tailgating now. Now, I loves me some spicy stuff. But at the same time, I know my limits. I’m usually a “medium” or “hot” kind of guy. Once you start getting into the novelty names like “Blazin’,” “Scorchin’” and “Flap of Skin under BJ Raji’s Manboobs,” that’s when I need to tap out. Unfortunately, for the sake of good television, our intrepid host had to bite the bullet — er, jalapeno — and he paid the price. Now, if you can rock a fried salami and a stuffed jalapeno (holy crap that looks awesome), kudos to you. Just know your limits, and don’t get yourself into any spicy food eating pissing contests. Because remember — that stuff burns twice. You know what I mean.

Photo Credit: CBS Local

Photo Credit: CBS Local

DO: Bring a beer pong table! Beer pong is a great way to bond with your fellow fans, as well as work on your hand-eye coordination. Everyone loves beer pong!

DON’T: AUGH! Crap! Don’t let your kids play!

Photo Credit: CBS Local

Photo Credit: CBS Local

Look man, beer pong is awesome throughout the season and into the playoffs, but this is illegal in at least a few ways, right? Don’t do this during your playoff tailgate. It bodes poorly for you and everyone else involved.

Hey, uh, editors, do we have to report this or anything?

DO: Stay up to date on your team. It’s important to know if key injuries will impact your team’s chances, and if so, require you to drink an exponentially higher amount than you would have anyway, prior to your playoff game.

DON’T: Not stay up to date on your team. Look at this kid on the right. Really… really?

Photo Credit: CBS Local

Photo Credit: CBS Local

Ok, cool. Have we covered the AFC? Because we need at least a cursory glance at the folks over in the NFC. Tune in tomorrow as we review San Francisco.

Read more about the tailgating fan.

Stop in at the Man Cave Daily, where the women are hot and the beer is cold.

Brian Cullen is supposed to dislike Peyton Manning since he’s a Pats fan, but dadgummit he’s just so easy to cheer for. Follow him on Twitter @bucketcullen.

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