When Charles Nagreen invented the hamburger back in 1885, he probably didn’t expect it to be garnished with such toppings as cheese, bacon, sauteed mushrooms, avocados and, yes, more burgers. We’ve come a long way from the days when putting a beef patty between two pieces of bread sufficed for a delicious burger. And size matters now too. An 8-ounce beef patty barely counts as a snack these days. So, let’s go big — like, really, really big — and take a look at the world’s manliest burgers.
Mallie’s Bar Guinness Burger
What the fine folks at Mallie’s Bar — located just outside of Detroit, Michigan — are doing here is taking an NFL offensive lineman (over 338 pounds of beef) and putting him between two pieces of bread. It’s hard to believe that this thing actually exists, but, well, it does. And to think, just two years ago they entered the Guinness World Records book with a 185-pound burger.
Photo Credit: Mallie’s Bar
Packed high with every condiment imaginable, this burger costs a mere $2,000. And Mallie’s will actually deliver it to you, for a $200 delivery charge. Just make sure you give them 72 hours notice because, well, Rome wasn’t built in one day.
If the 300-pound burger is a little beyond your appetite, try their 10-pound Monster Burger instead. It’s a 6-pound angus burger topped sky-high with four pounds of fixings. This seems more manageable, wouldn’t you say? And if you can eat the Monster Burger in under two hours, it’s free! They’ll even award you a t-shirt and $100, which you can put towards your hospital bill.
Fifth Third Burger
The Fifth Third Burger may not be a world-record breaker, but it does hold the fine distinction of being the 2009 Minor League Baseball “Concession Item of the Year.” Concocted by the Michigan Whitecaps, the Class-A affiliate of the Detroit Tigers, this burger contains five one-third pound hamburger patties, or 1.66 pounds of beef, to go along with five slices of cheese, lettuce, tomato, salsa, nacho cheese, Fritos and sour cream. In all, it tops out at about four pounds and sells for $20 at the ballpark.
As for the critical stats surrounding this big-league burger, each one contains about 4,800 calories, 300 grams of fat and more than 10,000 milligrams of sodium. But if you finish the burger you get a free t-shirt. So, there’s that.
Photo Credit: Burgers at Blacks
Even across the pond they’re getting in on the big-burger action. Weighing in at almost 15 pounds (and over 18,000 calories), The Beast will most certainly bust that gut of yours. With seven pounds of beef, nine slices of cheese and a giant pile of bacon, this burger is a challenge, to say the least.
To accompany the burger, the folks over at Burgers at Blacks in South London thought it would be a real gas to serve it with a one-pound stack of french fries — or chips, if you’re local. Now they’re just messing with us.
The OMFG Burger
Served at Lindy’s Diner in Tucson, Arizona, the OMFG Burger is all about the “ups.” See, what makes this burger different from most of the well-known beastly burgers is that it’s stacked high. I mean, really high. Consisting of nine beef patties piled atop each other, accompanied by nine slices of cheese and other condiments, the OMFG Burger is free to anyone who can finish eating it in under 20 minutes. Yeah, good luck with that. Just remember, it only counts if you keep it down.
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Tom Lorenzo is a freelance sports, entertainment and pop culture writer from New York City. You can follow him on Twitter at @TomLorenzo.